F is for Fat, Fasting and the Future

I'm fat.  I've been fat most of my life (except when I was having anxiety issues and couldn't eat much for a few years, and if I ate too much or the wrong thing I'd have a panic attack and throw up).  It's really not the end of the world and I don't hate myself for being fat.  It doesn't stop me from doing things like laying on the beach, though I'm sure there are people out there that would prefer I didn't lay out on the beach.  I still play soccer, run around with my kids, go for long walks, and most anything I want to do.  It definitely affects what I wear and occasionally my confidence (thanks to the "skinny meanie mommies" at my kids' school).  Today I stepped on the scale and found that I have gained 10 lbs over the last 2 months which puts me at my highest weight in 3 years.  I knew it was going to be bad since my jeans were getting tight, but ugh.  

Since my weight is not something I've been able to control over the last 32-1/2 years, I'm giving it to God.  Today I started a short daylight fast and plan on doing it every day this week.  I'm focusing on opening my heart and reaching out to God for his help with this issue.  I all ready planned on a week of more intensive praying since I can feel my stress level going up, and asking for guidance with taking on more of a leadership role at church.  Hopefully this one more thing isn't too much for me (I know it's not too much for God, I'm the one with the issues).  Plus a daylight fast isn't too stressing on my body - maybe someday I'll have the strength to do a real week long fast.

And now onto the future.  I really wonder what the future holds for me.  In the last year I've see my faith grow and felt the change and know people around me have seen the change.  I have a level of hope that I've never had before.  My heart is more open than it's ever been before.  I pray that this continues and that I can make a real difference in the lives of others - both those that are close to me and those that I don't know but can help.  I'm just one person, but I know I can make a difference, and I hope I can keep that going.  Small ways, big ways, whatever.  I've always had a heart of service, and I believe that God has led me here, to have these friends, this small group, this church, so that I can use that heart of service and fulfill part of my purpose.  (now to work on getting rid of some of this old baggage so I can truly move forward for Him!)