H is for Holy Shit it's the Holidays!

Seriously, when did this happen?  Apparently I missed the memo.  Today is Monday, and on Thursday is Thanksgiving.  We're hosting.  It will be fine really.  I can just serve turkey and wine right?  That's all I really want anyway... well, maybe that and pumpkin cheesecake.  Then there's Christmas - don't even get me started with that.  We did hang twinkle lights inside our house yesterday and it's very festive feeling.  I may never take them down.  If I leave them up all year, do they still qualify as Christmas lights?

The reason why I've been so distracted and not really noticing the holidays is that I'm working on a few projects for needy families.  It's taking a lot of my time and energy and while I love that I can help, I'm hitting that wall of never feeling like I can do enough.  I'm trying not to get discouraged, but what I am right now is sad.  Sad that there's so many hungry kids here in my community and across the globe.  Sad that there are children who are homeless here in my town.  Sad that so many people choose not to see all this need and choose not to help.  Angry that for all we try to do to help, it's never enough.  I love my church and I'm organizing these projects as a way to reach out to our community through the church, but sometimes it's overwhelming.

Time to pray and get some rest - hopefully tomorrow will be brighter!

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

G is for Greyci

We adore our girl Greyci! She's a 2-year old yellow lab/greyhound, and the sweetest dog in the world!

F is for Fat, Fasting and the Future

I'm fat.  I've been fat most of my life (except when I was having anxiety issues and couldn't eat much for a few years, and if I ate too much or the wrong thing I'd have a panic attack and throw up).  It's really not the end of the world and I don't hate myself for being fat.  It doesn't stop me from doing things like laying on the beach, though I'm sure there are people out there that would prefer I didn't lay out on the beach.  I still play soccer, run around with my kids, go for long walks, and most anything I want to do.  It definitely affects what I wear and occasionally my confidence (thanks to the "skinny meanie mommies" at my kids' school).  Today I stepped on the scale and found that I have gained 10 lbs over the last 2 months which puts me at my highest weight in 3 years.  I knew it was going to be bad since my jeans were getting tight, but ugh.  

Since my weight is not something I've been able to control over the last 32-1/2 years, I'm giving it to God.  Today I started a short daylight fast and plan on doing it every day this week.  I'm focusing on opening my heart and reaching out to God for his help with this issue.  I all ready planned on a week of more intensive praying since I can feel my stress level going up, and asking for guidance with taking on more of a leadership role at church.  Hopefully this one more thing isn't too much for me (I know it's not too much for God, I'm the one with the issues).  Plus a daylight fast isn't too stressing on my body - maybe someday I'll have the strength to do a real week long fast.

And now onto the future.  I really wonder what the future holds for me.  In the last year I've see my faith grow and felt the change and know people around me have seen the change.  I have a level of hope that I've never had before.  My heart is more open than it's ever been before.  I pray that this continues and that I can make a real difference in the lives of others - both those that are close to me and those that I don't know but can help.  I'm just one person, but I know I can make a difference, and I hope I can keep that going.  Small ways, big ways, whatever.  I've always had a heart of service, and I believe that God has led me here, to have these friends, this small group, this church, so that I can use that heart of service and fulfill part of my purpose.  (now to work on getting rid of some of this old baggage so I can truly move forward for Him!)

E is for Escape

Calgone take me away!  The last couple weeks have been rough.  We've had an increase in violence at work, so everyone is stressed and worried there.  And our department lost one of our own to cancer - may she rest in peace.  Another friend went missing for several days.  He's back and ok, thankfully.  And the love of my life has taken a turn for the worse, and while I know this is a temporary state of anger/depression for him, it's still so hard to deal with.  My heart aches to help him and there's nothing I can do beyond being there for him when he needs me and help with the kids when he needs space.

So we had a short escape to Oak Island (the boys, my parents and I).  The weather was beautiful and we had a wonderful time.

I've also decided to escape each evening into the National Novel Writing Month Challenge.  I think it will be fun and a completely different creative outlet.  200 words down 49800 to go!

(Photo courtesy of The Southport Times)